Playing the Long Game

Limitations, Plodding, and Growth

Welcome back to Notes from the Fray, a monthly newsletter on raising a Christian family in modern America. This month I’d like to write about personal growth, the rate at which we grow, and generational thinking. A lot of these principles are similar to principles discussed in Douglas Wilson’s book, Ploductivity. If you’d like to read my thoughts on this book, you can see the Reading Journal, entry numbers 4 and 5. I want to focus on good desires I see in myself and other men trying to lead their families well that sometimes get distorted. Those desires are personal growth and productivity and the distortion of those desires is twofold. The primary distortion I want to focus on here is that we want things to happen quickly or to be able to devote a few hours at a time to a project or book. So, because we are busy with children and marriage and everything else going on in our family life, we rarely actually get around to these projects. The other distortion worth mentioning is that we mis-prioritize things and end up placing these projects (if we finally get around to them) above what actually matters. The irony is that, when this happens to me, I’m usually trying to do something that will hopefully help me be a better husband and father but, to do that, I’m neglecting a responsibility in one of those roles or getting frustrated with my family because they keep “interrupting” me. I wrote about this in more depth here.

This post will focus primarily on how to address these errors. The tactic I’m trying to implement in my life is one of steady, sustainable, long-term growth. I am only one man with a short life here on earth. However, I can accomplish a lot within that little life. I should seek to gain ground for God’s kingdom through my life and set up my family (children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren) with as much as I can give them to continue the mission God has given us in the work of His kingdom. My point is this: I need to set up systems that foster personal and familial growth over time, as opposed to trying to learn, implement, or accomplish things in quick bursts of energy.

You Can’t Do it All

The first thing I’d like to address is the expectation or desire to be able to devote a long period of time to a project to knock it out in one sitting. The short answer to this problem is to acknowledge that that expectation is generally unrealistic. As the leaders of our families, we have very few large blocks of available time so to wait for one is to put off a task, project, or goal indefinitely. We need to plan realistically and implement a manageable system that will allow us to accomplish the goal or complete the project. We need to remember that we will not accomplish anything lasting in a day; the amount of time and effort put into a project is generally proportional to the amount of fruit it will yield. Sustained effort, over a long period of time, will yield lasting results. Proverbs says this applies with money but it applies elsewhere in life, as well.

Wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it. - Proverbs 13:11, ESV

When we work on something a little bit each day, we can look back later and see clear, measurable progress, which I always find encouraging. However, I often struggle to be patient and accept that this progress is probably the maximum speed at which I can accomplish a project while still fulfilling my other responsibilities. There are a lot of things I want to do in life. The idea of starting a project in a plodding sort of way makes me nervous because progress is not as obvious at the beginning and I may not have time to see all of the projects I’d like to complete through to their end. I know I won’t complete everything I’d like to in life. Even if I could, I could not do so quickly enough to see the fruit of every project. This discourages me sometimes because it forces me to deal with my limitations. At those times, I need to accept that God has given me one life and all I can do (and all He expects) is to be faithful to Him with the time I have. I can’t do everything but I can take care of the responsibilities and needs right in front of me. I can work to do the good works to which God has called me and my family (see Ephesians 2:10).

Think Generationally

This brings me to a way of looking at life that I believe is biblical and has helped me a lot in the area mentioned above: thinking generationally. As an adult, I first heard exhortations for Christians to think generationally several years ago, from people like Jefferson Bethke and Jeremy Pryor. I was on board with it then but, not having children yet, the ideas didn’t carry the same weight they do now. Recently, through the likes of Douglas Wilson and the men on the King’s Hall Podcast, I re-encountered the idea of thinking generationally, which has helped me rethink the way I approach projects and goals.

When I consider whether or not a project or goal is worth the investment of my time and energy, I’m now trying to take into account the return on investment, not in terms of my lifetime, but in terms of my descendants. So, the question changes from, “Will I be able to accomplish what I want to in this area in my lifetime?” to, “Will this bear fruit for generations, even if I only get to see the first signs of fruit and never get to taste it myself? Will this thing I’m considering continue to bear fruit for my children’s children’s children if managed well?”

With this change, even as much as it’s not yet reflexive for me, I’ve noticed I’m willing to think more ambitiously. As I’m forming a family vision and goals for our work for God’s kingdom, my dreams are more ambitious and bold because it becomes less about how much I can accomplish in my lifetime and more about for how many projects can my wife and I lay a solid foundation on which our children and grandchildren can continue to build. This shift in perspective makes it much easier to plod because it’s not about how quickly I get it done but about how well the work is done. If I get to see the fruit, praise the Lord. If I don’t get to see the fruit in my lifetime, praise the Lord; I trust Him to continue to work through our children to further His kingdom.

In many ways, my father was the one who started this ball rolling for his branch of the Adams family. He did not have what many would consider a Christian upbringing and my mother, although she had a Christian environment growing up, had an upbringing that was still much different from ours. Yet, he and my mother changed the generational trajectory of their families and raised my siblings and me in an intentionally Christian home. Like every home, it wasn’t perfect, but it was more focused on being foundationally Christian than either of my parents’ childhood was. I’m looking to further that progress for my own children, who I hope will in turn further it for theirs.

Plodding

This is where plodding comes in. Now that we’re thinking generationally and are accepting our limitations, we can at least accept that we will need to learn to accomplish things by consistently taking small steps over an extended period of time, not several steps in a few big chunks of devoted time. This is the answer to mis-prioritization, as well. It’s a lot easier to maintain proper priorities and fulfill responsibilities, while still getting other projects done, when we’re only taking the tasks for those other projects in small portions. If I read for ten to fifteen minutes before bed, I’m not making impressive progress each day. But over a month I can make considerable progress in the book I’m reading. And, when that progress is considered alongside my other responsibilities, I’m usually pleased with the progress I’m able to make at this pace.

An important idea in this discussion is that of systems. James Clear¹ talks about building systems, instead of focusing on goals. Goals are necessary to help you stay focused on where you want to go but systems are how you get there. This is essentially the same idea as plodding. Once we know what our goals are, as informed by our generational personal and familial mission and vision, we need to work them back to know what systems or habits need to be in place for us to achieve them. A little bit, every day, leads to a lot over time.

This goes back to what I wrote above: if I’m thinking generationally, it is much easier to work little by little toward these goals whether or not I have certainty that I’ll be able to accomplish them myself. If Jen and I work toward a goal for our family for most of our lives but don’t quite accomplish it, we can pass that progress to our children who will be able to finish out the process and accomplish the goal. Of course, that assumes that at least one of them will want to continue working on the project. However, I hope that the kinds of projects we pass along will be the kinds of projects that will benefit our children if completed. This is all still in the seed phase for me but I am actively trying to think of ways we can focus on laying foundations for projects on which our children can build.

A Necessary Addendum

Of course, as someone begins living this way, course corrections will become necessary over time. It is easy to get caught up in a project that seemed, initially, to fit our vision but, as it progresses, ends up distracting from that vision. Or I get caught up in starting new projects and establishing new goals within our vision without stopping to make sure I am devoting the necessary time to take care of the responsibilities I have currently.

To keep this from happening, I am working to establish two habits: a regular personal review and a regular “corporate” review. For the personal review, I generally follow Tim Challies’s Do More Better system. I’ve written about that here and here. It’s essentially just a review of my personal mission and then my individual goals and projects to ensure that I’m not losing sight of the big-picture works to which I believe God has called me. Regarding how to discern that mission, Michael Foster and Bnonn Tennant mention some helpful tips in their book, It’s Good To Be A Man.

The “corporate” review is a review that I need to establish with my wife so that we can regularly have a time of getting on the same page with each other before miscommunication and built-up emotions erupt into a messy situation. I say need to establish because this is the review that I’m currently the worst at planning and initiating. This review was inspired by two things. First, the idea of having an annual summit for spouses to review their family mission and to ensure that their activities, practices, and lifestyle are still in alignment with that vision (some resources can be found here and here). The second source was Doug and Nancy Wilson’s parenting Q&A. The Wilsons recommended frequent reviews between parents regarding their children; essentially, a huddle to plan the parenting plays they intend to run. I can’t say these two things are habits for us yet but it is my goal to get there. And, of course, it may look very different by the time we put these reviews into practice. We may not have an annual review but we may have a few big-picture reviews throughout the year. Our frequent review might simply be a conversation each evening. The goal is to find a review process for my wife and me that works to keep us on the same page as a couple and on track as a family.

However it looks, I think some system for review is important. I think that it increases our effectiveness for the kingdom of God and helps us focus on intentionally deciding how we want to spend our time, energy, and resources. We have to be willing to schedule a little time to plan or we’ll end up being dragged around by whatever seems the most urgent, instead of prioritizing the kingdom of God.

In Conclusion

I know that I need to be realistic when it comes to goals; realistic about my limitations, abilities, and needs. By setting up systems that foster growth and productivity over time, I’ve found I actually get more done than if I try to carve out a large chunk of time to accomplish something. God made us to be people living in rhythms (six days of work, one day of rest from that work; seasons for planting, seasons for harvesting; light during the day to work, darkness at night for resting from our work; etc.). We should incorporate small chunks of work on our projects into these regular rhythms of our life each day or week that will allow us to make incremental progress toward accomplishing the mission God has given us. Additionally, we should set up times of review to check our system for any deficiencies or required maintenance to ensure the sustainability of our efforts.

This should all be done as a pleasing sacrifice to God.

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. - Romans 12:1, 2 NASB 1995

We don’t strive for more productivity for our own glory, for more money, or out of worship of our family; these are forms of idolatry. We strive to be productive, on mission, and good managers of our households and assets as a means of loving God and our neighbor out of worship of God; these are our good works, our sacrifices to Him.

My goal has been to encourage you and to suggest a big-picture, generational way of thinking about our families. Let’s continue the discussion in the comments. Feel free to share your suggestions and experience regarding this topic; or, share your critiques of my suggestions in this post.

In Him and for His Glory

1. While Mr. Clear is not a Christian to my knowledge, I have found his resources helpful. Just be aware that he is not coming at productivity or life efforts from a Christian perspective.